As I lay quietly at night
I can feel it inside of me
The movement so slight
Can’t quite pin it down
Toying with me
Just out of sight

Flowing like molted lava
warmth pulls & cracks
like an wound
to show
a bright glow
clutching to get it under control
it is all below
hot air escapes my lungs
everything turns to ashes

Turning away from fright
There is the new morning
light
A new day has dawn
it isn’t quite gone
try to focus
vision becomes
blurred and helpless

One of the beautiful days up in the State of Washington happened yesterday a lovely 75 degrees with a light wind. So I was thinking in my cube that I bet Grandma hasn't been outside to enjoy this wonderful weather. I called mom to inform her I was going to be stopping by to see Grandma. I walked in talking very loudly to Grandma asked her if she wanted to go outside to enjoy some of the sun. She didn't recognize me; it was indefinite somewhere in my soul I new with all that she has gone through in the last couple of weeks. I didn't cry: I just repeated my name to her, and then she said "Oh I didn't even recognize my little Teri Lynn, what is wrong with me". I said "it's the drugs Grandma, no worries". She like to drag her feet a little when you're rolling her along so I found myself saying "Pick up your feet Grandma¨. Reminds me of my Mom "Teri Lynn pick up your feet¨ See Mom I did listen kinda¨. I rolled her outside and found a bench and had a seat we talked a little, mostly sat quietly and enjoy the sun and wind. I rolled up her slacks like we use to so she could get as much vitamin D as possible. Listening to the birds, watching the wind blow through the trees, I wonder what she was thinking.
I can tell that her memories aren't what they use to be. This is another stage of life and morning. Another stage of life that no one wants to talk about, my question is why? Why wouldn't you want to share what knowledge you have about these types of experiences. As a culture we still have our heads in the sand, there are book on How to fix a toilet, How to talk to your cats, How to talk with your spouse but I haven't seen anything on How to handle losing a loved one. Sure they say make sure your affairs are in order but come one people that isn't anything next to this! After the fact of losing someone there is a book out. Maybe I am missing the boat- or I just haven't looked around for this style of book. It isn't something that you would read everyday, until those days come.
My Mom is my Grandmothers champion; my Mom is giving unconditional love to her Mom. My Mom is Not only my Grandmothers champion, but also her Dads. I have some pretty big shoes to fill literally! Give up the Italian boots Mom! xoxox

If it wasn't for spin class I wouldn't have been able to make it yesterday on a bike ride of 20 miles, I was having shifting issues, and chain issues. It seems as if I have heard the warning from some good co-workers and my husband that are "Cyclist" that you really need to practice on the bike that you're going to be ridding for your Sprint Tri! NO JOKE!! Dear lord I only crashed on the dam thing 3 times! I’m really think that I am part “Goofy” Little tip to those who are beginning to ride with "clip less pedals”. First off I don't know why they call them Clip less! CUZ you clip into the crazy things! Anyways, Back to the tip, ummm remember that your feet are clipped into those pedals. Typically I have pretty good balance, and I can catch myself.. NOT EVEN CLOSE! You start to tip and you forget that your feet are clipped into pedals and before you know it, you’re on your ass; it is a good thing that we can bounce! Well kinda if you don't get your legs in the way. So by 0830 I had bike grease and cuts on my legs, tomboy at heart.. Great eh! Oh well, I giggled at myself, picked myself up and started to pedal, and pedal and pedal I did.. Then I started to have problems with shifting, HIGH GEAR, so that is why I say Thank You to Spin Class! I meet up with Steven, Chuck and John when I started to have difficultly with shifting, I notice that they just got father and father away, I thought hmmm that's a little odd, I do pretty good in spin class I should be able to keep them at least in my sights...PLEASE not when you're stuck in a high gear. Before I knew it I was out on the trail by myself spinning my ass off.. Sweating my ass off too, oh well good work out right! by the time that I got to this turn around point, I clipped out and took a rest on a grass knoll and enjoyed the sunshine, taking a nice rest. When I get a txt message from my long time friend hey jump in the shower movie is at 1045, shit! it was 930! Then John called me asking me "where you at" It seems as if I was a half click away. So the guys finished their coffees and found me and tried to fix the bike... Even tho they did their best it was still in a high gear, so John and I stopped again and he was able to put it in a moderate setting! Thank you! So off we went, I knew that I want to go to the movies, but my legs just didn't have enough power to push me the finish in time. Maybe if I didn’t have chain and shift issues I could have, one will never know.
My legs are pretty good today, yesterday during the ride back they where on fire, I just pushed through it! I knew that I had it in me to push! Or “MUSH”
4 Weeks to go! Heavy Heavy training is going to start! Pool tonight, maybe spin class tomorrow rest my legs so I don't do any damage.
PEACE!

You’ve been what I have wanted for years
I can barely see you through all of my tears
My heart aches
As I watch our life turn into ashes

As the sun pierced through the trees
I wanted to drop to my knees
and scream
insteed
Tears fall
dropping like the morning dew

Hearts are heavy from
pain
exasperation
sorrow
Can we handle tomorrow
or will it be another day filled with sorrow

How do you say good bye forever to someone that has been there since the day that you where born. Someone that has loved you unconditional for 39 years, someone that never judged you, someone that has always been able to bring you back to what I call an even keel, someone that doesn't seem to have an evil bone in her body. A lady, that has a heart of gold, a lady, that can sing to the birds and feed the squirrels and I swear to you if she could she would be playing the organ all at the same time! A lady, that I still have visions in the kitchen making cookies, lunch, and dinners with a smile on her face. Someone, that I can sit on the back porch and say nothing for hours just holding hands, because it has been to tuff to talk.
How do you say good-bye? We all say that they broke the molds when we meet awesome people; well they really broke the mold when God made her! And I need to say good-bye! These are the questions that I am asking myself, how on heaven do you say good-bye to all of this? This is a blessing and a curse all at the same time, at least thank you God that I can say all that I have been wanting to say, which is a lot of I love you! And bunches of kisses!
My grandparents have been a source of inspiration to me! In the recent year I have found out a story about my grandfather when he was an infant, if I told you about it you wouldn't believe it, I am working on finding this story on-line to post on my blog. My grandmother hasn't had an easy life either, but she has been happy and has made the very best out of her life. She has had knee replacements, hip replacements and even a glass eye. She will be my inspiration for a life time! It has been told to me many times that my grandmother was so small that they put her in a shoe box and put her wood stove to keep her warm when she was first born. Grandma and I have always giggled about that... We have giggled about many wonderful things. We have had a kinetic energy or ESP. If she is thinking about me i know if I am thinking about her she knows sometimes we will pick up the phone at the same time to even call each other. We call it our feelers!
I have been very lucky to still have a grandparent alive! I have been very luck to have had such wonderful inspirational and loving grandparents! I will find my blessing there in years to come. I will still find myself wanting to dial their phone number which my entire family can rattle off better then their own phone number.
Peace and Love and Joy is all that my grandparents have ever wanted for me and that is all I want for my grandmother.. Which I love with my soul!

quarter mile swim

12-13 mile bike

1 mile walk


hooowooooo on my way

5 weeks to go!